Lesson 13. Define before debating. Power of definitions
One Question That Saved My Project (And Maybe My Job)
We had been in that meeting for 40 minutes.
Our faces were red. Voices were tense. You could feel the tension in the air.
It seemed like we were saying words, but none of us could understand each other. I was quite nervous about this since it was my boss who I was so intensely debating with. But at that very moment, I was much more concerned about the argument itself rather than who I was talking to.
Two years ago, I was with a Dubai-based HR-tech startup. I was a member of the People & Culture team and initiated a compensation framework project. Grades, salary scales, compensation analysis, all these grown-up things. By that moment, the company had more than quintupled its headcount from around 50 employees to 300+.
This is when it happened.
I got a green light to go ahead with the project, and we were discussing the achievement of the first milestone. I presented the approach, and this is when my boss thought that we would be building something completely different.
I was explaining my point, and he was explaining his. We went again and again.
When I realized that it was super tense and we were 40 minutes in, it suddenly struck me. I paused and asked him a simple question:
"Wait a second, could you please tell me what exactly you mean when you say 'salary increment'?"
That simple question changed it all.
It became crystal clear we'd been having two completely different conversations. When he said "salary increment," he meant a pay policy line increase for the entire company. When I said it, I meant the actual percentage increase each employee would receive. Same term, totally different meanings.
After defining the term, we agreed on the next steps within 5 minutes. Then we wrapped up the meeting and went for double-whiskey with coke-zero.
The rest of the project went smoothly, and the company still uses the framework we designed.
Define the terms. Find the common ground.
I see this way too often now.
I see it with clients who have been using their internal terminology that might mean something completely different.
I say "salary" and they say "salary." For them, it's a basic salary calculated based on an hourly rate. For me, it is a monthly take-home pay. Same word - different meaning.
Other terms like competencies, skills, and operating model - these all must be defined, or you risk finding yourself in endless debates.
I see it in many professional communities I am a member of. I regularly see harsh debates where people are trying to prove their point, throwing various arguments, often talking about the same thing, but failing to define it clearly.
A simple question "What do you mean by X?" can save you hours of arguing.
"Can you please define..."
"Can you give me an example of..."
When we present and explain something, it is always helpful to define the key terms. When you are on the same page, the conversation goes much more easily.
It is hard to overestimate the power of definitions.
Today, when we are bombarded with all the business, social, and political buzzwords everybody uses but few understand. Engagement, motivation, rewards, performance, disruption, challenger, agentic - I am sure we can easily find 10+ various definitions for each.
I learned the importance of definitions when I was working on my research paper. When I was writing my thesis, 20% of the entire document was the intro with the definitions and references.
Next time, when you find yourself debating and arguing, take a step back and define the key terms. Ask your counterpart to do the same. Don't be afraid to ask for this. It shows professionalism, engagement, and curiosity.
One more thing
Remember, you always have a bonus. In case you encounter an unfamiliar term, you'll learn something new. 😉
Good luck, my friend!
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