How do you know when it's time to walk away?
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This is very, very powerful. Because you and your circle define each other. That's why it's very important to carefully look around.
Some of your people are with you for the entire book, but some - only for one chapter.
I had two very close friends - we were almost inseparable. But somewhere along the way, we started drifting apart. Some weird miscommunications, weird misunderstandings. At one point, I realized that I didn't care if we met. I was even dreading our hangouts. After spending time with them, I felt drained. Empty. Like I needed to recover from our friendship.
This was a great test, actually - the energy check. If I don't feel empowered and energized after being with "my tribe," then it doesn't look like my tribe, right?
When you have people around you who drain your energy, you feel emptier after you meet them, after you talk to them, you feel tired, and meeting with them is a chore, not an excitement. That is the time to walk away.
Hell yeah! Or no
The next time someone asks you to meet up, listen to yourself. What's your reaction? Is it "Hell yeah!"? If it is - go for it.
If your first thought is "Ugh, I guess I should..." or "I don't really want to, but..." - that's your answer right there. Say no.
If no - pass. That's the rule I follow. Very helpful!
It's not about being selfish, or maybe it is. But in a healthy way. Our time and our energy are the most precious resources. We need to manage them with more care than banks manage their credit risks.
Different circles for different parts of life
You notice that too, right? There are sport friends, work friends, drinking friends, party friends, and life friends. And those are not necessarily, or even rarely, the same people. Some friends are perfect for where you were, but not where you're going.
Keep your circle tight
Today, I am extremely grateful to be surrounded by a gang of incredible humans who always inspire me, challenge me, and bring me up. They are the ones who can tell me that I'm doing completely shit, and I'll be fine with that, I'll listen to them. And they are the ones who can bring me up when I'm feeling down.
Imagine - we moved from our hometown in mid-Russia to Moscow and then many years later we moved from Moscow to Dubai and we are still friends! Still together.
This circle can never be large. Remember - you're the average of your five closest people. Quality over quantity, always.
One more thing
This is something we rarely understand when we are young. Friendship is not a 24/7 chat. Real friendship is not constant hangouts. You need to respect each other's privacy, activities. And it can even be okay to say "I don't want to hang out today."
You know your friends are there when you need them. You know you can trust them. You are the one they can trust. It's always a two-way street, right?
What's your experience with friendship transitions? Have you had to make tough decisions about your inner circle? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Good luck! Level up your circle!
Best,
Vlad
Want to be friends? Connect with me:
My LinkedIn
My Instagram
My Threads
If you like my work and want to show your support